Change is in the air.
Meaning, I'm taking the blog to a new level.
Meaning, it officially has a .com!
I've moved (just this blog, the others are still here) (what, I have others?!) (yes. I'm pathetic) over to Wordpress, which was heavily debated for a while.
All my old posts are there, but I'll be keeping this blog up still. Sentiment and all.
So if you're looking for Learning More Than Moves, then head on over to anothernightatthebarre.com and keep getting the updates! You can subscribe and comment and all that good stuff.
There's also a facebook page you can "like" where I'll post when I update and stuff.
I know, it's weird. I'm getting savvy.
Bare with me as I keep changing and updating and improving, and thanks for always being so loyal and kind to me as I navigate this road I'm on!
I'm nothing without you guys! <3
Everything I need to know about life, I learned in dance class
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Daily Auditions
During warmup at rehearsal on Saturday, Ms. Munro made a comment.
She said that during auditions, we really present and give our all and look our best, yet when we have class and rehearsals, we do less than that. She said we should do our audition-best all the time. Pushing our limits and working hard every class is how we will improve.
These words were mostly met with grumbled excuses of how 10am is so early for a Saturday and glazed eyes spacing out on who knows what.
But I took that.
I thought of the girls that seem to get every role.
Of course, they're talented, but so are these ones that get overlooked. What's the difference?
I watched during rehearsal, and saw how those were the girls smiling through rehearsal--treating it like a performance. I know this isn't always easy, especially in the learning process. But it is possible to give a little more to try and make it as much of a show as you can.
To treat it like an audition.
So I decided I will do just that.
From now on, ever class, every rehearsal is an audition.
I'm gonna try and keep my brain clear, so I don't freak out. I'm going to tell myself I can do these things. I'm going to work even harder outside of the class room. I'm going to do everything I can to show them I want this; to better myself.
Yesterday's class is the one day I can get away with slacking off, but I didn't. I determined to implement this immediately.There were moments I faltered, but I tried to use every opportunity to add in extra and really give my all. Of course, there are limitations--especially for me. But I worked around the limitations, pushing them as far as I could, to get the most out of class possible.
I found myself sweating complete buckets, but also doing things I typically can't do and trying things that would scare me. I made it through combinations I usually struggle with and even saw improvements on some of my steps, once even getting a "Good!" from the teacher who doesn't really compliment.
I was even able to do an en dedan turn on my bad side, though that shoe felt better for some reason, making risk a little less scary. Curious to explore to find out why.
A humorous part of class was when we did a combination across the floor. I was doing pretty alright until it got to chaines. I tried on the first side, and honestly tried on the second side, until--ya know--I forgot my left leg is shorter and had my hips squared which meant the floor wasn't where I expected it to be and it felt like when you miss a step walking down stairs. Pretty hilarious, especially since I didn't get hurt. Hehe
I had a friend text me after class saying that I looked really good in class yesterday. Coming from her, I know she means it, which means so much to me, and fuels my fire even more.
(Hannah's feet on Saturday)
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Beginnings
It is clear that learning a part as complex as the Swan corps is way more difficult as a cover than as an actual swan. I sometimes find myself wondering if the girls know how lucky they truly are to have their place set and sure, not having to worry about what the other groups are doing.
I was Abarrane for part of the rehearsal Saturday since she had ACT testing in the morning. It wasn't too difficult, since she was the opposite of Adrienne, except for the bits I couldn't remember. Oops.
But that's okay. We got it fixed and worked out and all is well.
When Abarrane got there, I tried to watch for the people I know will be out coming up, and it got complicated. They are each something different. Then I come to the realization that even being this proactive won't guarantee I'll get the spot if someone drops. It could be a matter of height. These other covers are dedicated to learning it as well.
Instead of being overcome by bitterness, fear, and jealousy, I approached the girls with an idea: Let's for some kind of group as the covers to make sure we enjoy this instead of just sitting on the sidelines sad. "Let's be so cool the other girls wished they were us." Haha.
Catherine and Maddie came up with a clever name--The Ugly Ducklings.
In the story, the ugly duckling tries so hard to be like the swans he sees, but just can't be. (Until he grows up and realizes he was a wan all along, just needed a little growth.)
We want to make shirts. It's gonna be great.
The girls are excited about it, as am I. We even have a fun little hand sign thing.
It still stings a bit to not be a swan. Seeing and hearing the other girls get so excited for costume fittings and photo day and all, knowing I just have to watch from the sidelines again. But it is what it is. There's nothing we can do about it.
Instead, I had Ms. Heidi look at my shoes, and asked her what she thought. I've been told I don't pull out of my shoe, but I don't know what else to do to be better about that. She was able to explain what I need to think about, and give me some things to try at home to help me get better. It'll take time, but if I start now it'll be very beneficial.
In her Jazz/Lyrical class, we had a new girl, Valerie. She paired her with me since my partner wasn't there to work on recital. I taught her our bit and we did it side by side instead of mirrored. I had no idea that the only dance training she had was dance class in high school. She took the adult ballet and said it was really fast, but she wanted to dance so she's gonna stick with it. She really liked the Lyrical class, which was good. She picked things up really well and was able to just go with it, even though she didn't know what half the stuff was. I was really impressed. She told me how she wished she would have started dancing younger, but was excited to start now. She's from Austin, and down here for school. She seems like a great person, and it was fun to actually have someone in the class understand my cultural references from when I was a kid. (Lookin' at you, Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century.)
Valerie is going to do recital, so Heidi was trying to think of how to work with the new numbers. She might have Valerie take my spot, and teach me a new thing entirely, thinking it may be easier to learn since I won't be here a lot from work coming up. Which is exciting, but also a bit nerve wracking.
It was refreshing having Valerie in class. It reminded me of what I felt when I first started--that bit that can get lost in all the striving and stress. I still have a ways to go, and loads to learn, but I've come so far from that first anxiety-ridden day. And it's not all about hitting one certain goal, it's about the process. It's about every day, working hard--not just one show or role. It's about being better today than I was yesterday. If I can do that, I am successful.
(Repeat to myself when I'm starting to feel the sting again.)
I was Abarrane for part of the rehearsal Saturday since she had ACT testing in the morning. It wasn't too difficult, since she was the opposite of Adrienne, except for the bits I couldn't remember. Oops.
But that's okay. We got it fixed and worked out and all is well.
When Abarrane got there, I tried to watch for the people I know will be out coming up, and it got complicated. They are each something different. Then I come to the realization that even being this proactive won't guarantee I'll get the spot if someone drops. It could be a matter of height. These other covers are dedicated to learning it as well.
Instead of being overcome by bitterness, fear, and jealousy, I approached the girls with an idea: Let's for some kind of group as the covers to make sure we enjoy this instead of just sitting on the sidelines sad. "Let's be so cool the other girls wished they were us." Haha.
Catherine and Maddie came up with a clever name--The Ugly Ducklings.
In the story, the ugly duckling tries so hard to be like the swans he sees, but just can't be. (Until he grows up and realizes he was a wan all along, just needed a little growth.)
We want to make shirts. It's gonna be great.
The girls are excited about it, as am I. We even have a fun little hand sign thing.
It still stings a bit to not be a swan. Seeing and hearing the other girls get so excited for costume fittings and photo day and all, knowing I just have to watch from the sidelines again. But it is what it is. There's nothing we can do about it.
Instead, I had Ms. Heidi look at my shoes, and asked her what she thought. I've been told I don't pull out of my shoe, but I don't know what else to do to be better about that. She was able to explain what I need to think about, and give me some things to try at home to help me get better. It'll take time, but if I start now it'll be very beneficial.
In her Jazz/Lyrical class, we had a new girl, Valerie. She paired her with me since my partner wasn't there to work on recital. I taught her our bit and we did it side by side instead of mirrored. I had no idea that the only dance training she had was dance class in high school. She took the adult ballet and said it was really fast, but she wanted to dance so she's gonna stick with it. She really liked the Lyrical class, which was good. She picked things up really well and was able to just go with it, even though she didn't know what half the stuff was. I was really impressed. She told me how she wished she would have started dancing younger, but was excited to start now. She's from Austin, and down here for school. She seems like a great person, and it was fun to actually have someone in the class understand my cultural references from when I was a kid. (Lookin' at you, Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century.)
Valerie is going to do recital, so Heidi was trying to think of how to work with the new numbers. She might have Valerie take my spot, and teach me a new thing entirely, thinking it may be easier to learn since I won't be here a lot from work coming up. Which is exciting, but also a bit nerve wracking.
It was refreshing having Valerie in class. It reminded me of what I felt when I first started--that bit that can get lost in all the striving and stress. I still have a ways to go, and loads to learn, but I've come so far from that first anxiety-ridden day. And it's not all about hitting one certain goal, it's about the process. It's about every day, working hard--not just one show or role. It's about being better today than I was yesterday. If I can do that, I am successful.
(Repeat to myself when I'm starting to feel the sting again.)
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Thoughts.
Yesterday's advanced class was...something.
It wasn't bad, it was just super crowded (we were only missing one person. That never happens.) and there were some complex things given to us, and that's when Ms. Munro thought it would be a great time to watch us all. I feel this innate pressure to prove myself, and having her watching made me so nervous. I felt like it was just screaming that I didn't belong there.
I shook it off. It is what it is.
The good thing about classes this week, is that they are challenging me and really helping me push out of my comfort zone and work the areas that I really need help in. So that's been nice.
Downside, the Gaynor's flopped so I'm back to square one.
Although, I believe the main root of my problem is the lack of strength in my hips (I struggle to maintain turnout on one leg) and the fact that I've been sick for so long, hesitating on engaging my core has sadly become second nature. Learning to push out of that, while not pushing too hard--it's a struggle.
After class, I was able to go in the small studio with Adrienne and show her what we learned in Swan rehearsal Saturday so she'd be ready this weekend. She picked it up pretty well, which is great. She took pictures of my notes after so that way if she forgot something, she could reference it.
When I got home, I was trying to mentally prepare myself for not dancing that part this weekend. To open my mind to the fact that I'd be at a different place in line, a different place in formations, following different people and at some points doing different steps. Thinking about it beforehand helps me remain calm and open in the situation itself.
As I did, I thought about who all I know will be out and has asked me to learn their part. Abarrane will be late this weekend, which is good cause she's opposite Adrienne. The next weekend, Jessica is out, which isn't too far from what I've learned since she's next to Adrienne in formations. She said she'd teach me their different part this Saturday. Lauren will be out for drill team two weeks, so I need to learn her part as well, but she isn't too too different either, since she's in that same last section.
I realized after this month, covering just these people, I'll know every part. At least for what we've learned so far.
How cool is that?
All Adrienne has to concern herself with is her part; what I've shown her and what she'll learn moving forward. She won't learn what I learn; at least she isn't required to.
So even though I may learn all of this and not get to dance the role, it's pretty cool that I will essentially know this part better than anyone else. And should the need arise, be there to step in in a heartbeat.
It wasn't bad, it was just super crowded (we were only missing one person. That never happens.) and there were some complex things given to us, and that's when Ms. Munro thought it would be a great time to watch us all. I feel this innate pressure to prove myself, and having her watching made me so nervous. I felt like it was just screaming that I didn't belong there.
I shook it off. It is what it is.
The good thing about classes this week, is that they are challenging me and really helping me push out of my comfort zone and work the areas that I really need help in. So that's been nice.
Downside, the Gaynor's flopped so I'm back to square one.
Although, I believe the main root of my problem is the lack of strength in my hips (I struggle to maintain turnout on one leg) and the fact that I've been sick for so long, hesitating on engaging my core has sadly become second nature. Learning to push out of that, while not pushing too hard--it's a struggle.
After class, I was able to go in the small studio with Adrienne and show her what we learned in Swan rehearsal Saturday so she'd be ready this weekend. She picked it up pretty well, which is great. She took pictures of my notes after so that way if she forgot something, she could reference it.
When I got home, I was trying to mentally prepare myself for not dancing that part this weekend. To open my mind to the fact that I'd be at a different place in line, a different place in formations, following different people and at some points doing different steps. Thinking about it beforehand helps me remain calm and open in the situation itself.
As I did, I thought about who all I know will be out and has asked me to learn their part. Abarrane will be late this weekend, which is good cause she's opposite Adrienne. The next weekend, Jessica is out, which isn't too far from what I've learned since she's next to Adrienne in formations. She said she'd teach me their different part this Saturday. Lauren will be out for drill team two weeks, so I need to learn her part as well, but she isn't too too different either, since she's in that same last section.
I realized after this month, covering just these people, I'll know every part. At least for what we've learned so far.
How cool is that?
All Adrienne has to concern herself with is her part; what I've shown her and what she'll learn moving forward. She won't learn what I learn; at least she isn't required to.
So even though I may learn all of this and not get to dance the role, it's pretty cool that I will essentially know this part better than anyone else. And should the need arise, be there to step in in a heartbeat.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Retrospect
Yesterday, a friend I've known since Instep made a comment.
She said she was talking to a girl who was part of her dance group at the local university (I took pictures of them back when they were still in school) around Nutcracker and how impressed she was when she told her I was the Rat Queen.
You see, these girls knew me when I was first starting out.
They were in those classes where everything was hard and I was struggling.
To hear that she saw the improvement and was impressed, and even proud, made me feel so good.
I was looking at my blog today, and saw how they auto-filter spam comments, so decided to look through and see if anything exciting showed up.
Turns out I had a new comment from a post in September that I had somehow missed.
And the timing couldn't have been more perfect.
I went back to the post and re-read it. Of course, it was the one where I really stopped to remember how far I had come in the last four years. As much as I hate to accept that this is only as far as I am, I can't let myself believe that this is nothing.
I was really quite terrible in the beginning, but I kept working on it, and never gave up even when I really wanted to. Something in me wouldn't let me throw in the towel.
And here I am, finding myself in one of those situations again where throwing in the towel seems easier--less embarrassing.
I couldn't let myself if I tried.
Even with the thought of "I should just quit," there is a fear in the back of my mind of the day that will inevitably come when I have to hang up my pointe shoes and stop dancing. I don't want that day to come. I don't want to just work and go home. I don't want to ever not have a studio to go to.
I don't want to stop dancing.
When favor falls on the opposite side of my fence, and when the bar is just a bit too far from my reach, I have to keep myself going. I'm more than a role or a label or a certain level.
I dance for me.
And really, thank you, dear readers, for your comments of encouragement. They do more for me than I could ever express.
She said she was talking to a girl who was part of her dance group at the local university (I took pictures of them back when they were still in school) around Nutcracker and how impressed she was when she told her I was the Rat Queen.
You see, these girls knew me when I was first starting out.
They were in those classes where everything was hard and I was struggling.
To hear that she saw the improvement and was impressed, and even proud, made me feel so good.
I was looking at my blog today, and saw how they auto-filter spam comments, so decided to look through and see if anything exciting showed up.
Turns out I had a new comment from a post in September that I had somehow missed.
And the timing couldn't have been more perfect.
I went back to the post and re-read it. Of course, it was the one where I really stopped to remember how far I had come in the last four years. As much as I hate to accept that this is only as far as I am, I can't let myself believe that this is nothing.
I was really quite terrible in the beginning, but I kept working on it, and never gave up even when I really wanted to. Something in me wouldn't let me throw in the towel.
And here I am, finding myself in one of those situations again where throwing in the towel seems easier--less embarrassing.
I couldn't let myself if I tried.
Even with the thought of "I should just quit," there is a fear in the back of my mind of the day that will inevitably come when I have to hang up my pointe shoes and stop dancing. I don't want that day to come. I don't want to just work and go home. I don't want to ever not have a studio to go to.
I don't want to stop dancing.
When favor falls on the opposite side of my fence, and when the bar is just a bit too far from my reach, I have to keep myself going. I'm more than a role or a label or a certain level.
I dance for me.
And really, thank you, dear readers, for your comments of encouragement. They do more for me than I could ever express.
Since I couldn't find the first picture, here's a side-by-side of my attitude in September 2014 versus July 2015.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Swan Rehearsal
We had our first Swan Lake rehearsal today.
When we got there, seven girls were missing, one of whom was also a cover, which left us four covers with six spots to fill. We sort of went by height, and then just left the other two spots for later.
I was the cover for my friend Adrienne, since she is one of the tallest.
It went really well, and I think we learned a good chunk of the swan bit. I wouldn't say it was all that hard, but definitely takes immense stamina and dedication with attention to detail. It's not for the faint of heart.
The swans are all--obviously--part of the corps, but there are many different variations of corps work among it. Being the cover is turning out to be quite the endeavor. There are parts that are just mirrored on each other, then depending on if you're stage right or stage left with determine which leg to begin on. Of course, Adrienne wasn't part of that. she was in the back of the middle, which had the different bit. What's more is that she is part of a section that consists of just her and one other dancer. It's not really a solo since they're all dancing at the same time, but it is different from everyone else.
Chances are once I teach this to Adrienne, I'll never have to learn it again. So I had one of the girls in the middle part teach me the different part they learned. Of course, I didn't retain it as well, but at least I get the gist of it. I also had one of the girls on the sides show me what it is they do so at least I'm exposed to it and if I'm thrown in one of those spots, it won't be completely foreign.
I asked my friend who owns the DVD from our last production if I can borrow it so I can learn all the different sections, just in case.
Ps. Two of the girls that were missing showed up late, so the one went in her spot and the cover went in the other.
I sewed my Gaynor's just in case we had to do pointe today, though I doubted we did. I put them on after rehearsal to get a picture for a friend who couldn't be there, and then showed them to Mrs. Alex. Ms. Munro ended up coming over as well, so we discussed my feet and my shoes and how my knee doesn't hurt, even after this rehearsal, and why I don't do jumps in Julie's class, and Ms. Munro agreed to not do grand plie's and all that. Mrs. Alex even said these shoes made my feet look better. I don't want them to cause me to be lazy, but it definitely is nice having the extra support in keeping my arch where it needs to be.
We are a bit concerned about the sizing on them, since my big toe literally hits the end and feels like it's being pushed hard enough to make the knuckle bend, but Gaynor's are supposed to give a bit with wear, so we're going to see how that goes.
After assisting class on Friday, I was talking with a friend who also teaches at the studio. She told me, very gently and tactfully, that she thought my shoes held me back at auditions. I told her about the fitting earlier this week and how I got Gaynor's, and she agreed that they sounded like the best option. She has similar issues and was able to give me even more insight on how to help with it.
I swear, if it wasn't for my dance friends, I don't know if I would be able to keep dancing. Their advice and input and support has literally been everything.
I'm pretty exhausted after today. Didn't help that my body still hates me and food isn't really my friend. I'm at a loss of what else to do about it.
I decided that on the days I get to rehearse for swans, I will tell myself, "You are a swan." It helps me be more into it when we actually do it, rather than just feel like the title of "cover" is looming over me. I have no idea what the future holds. There is a very real possibility that I can do all this work and never get to dance it. There is also a possibility that one of the other covers could get it over me. I don't know. I try not to think about it. I'm going to move on and keep going and do my best, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt to think about. But, it also doesn't mean I need to talk about it. I feel stupid mentioning it at all anymore. Like maybe people aren't telling me everything and maybe I'm not as good as I think I am.
One of my teachers told me today to not take missing out on this role as a sign that I'm not good. She said that there's probably more playing into it, and it may not be fair to me, but that it's part of the deal. I don't know how much of that is true, but you almost can't help but believe that it is. Reality is, it's a small town, and this non profit runs on money that I may not bring in simply because I'm older, I don't have super loaded friends or tons of family dying to pay loads of money to see me dance.
My reality is that each day there's another reminder of how much I wanted this, slapping me in the face, showing me I missed the mark. No one really knows what all is going on on the inside. But honestly, I don't think that's for anyone but me to know.
What good would it do to share that with anyone anyway? No one can change things. All I can do now is work my butt off and hope it's not for nothing.
And limit my crying.
And not get overwhelmed as work starts getting more intense.
Ahhhhhhhhhh
When we got there, seven girls were missing, one of whom was also a cover, which left us four covers with six spots to fill. We sort of went by height, and then just left the other two spots for later.
I was the cover for my friend Adrienne, since she is one of the tallest.
It went really well, and I think we learned a good chunk of the swan bit. I wouldn't say it was all that hard, but definitely takes immense stamina and dedication with attention to detail. It's not for the faint of heart.
The swans are all--obviously--part of the corps, but there are many different variations of corps work among it. Being the cover is turning out to be quite the endeavor. There are parts that are just mirrored on each other, then depending on if you're stage right or stage left with determine which leg to begin on. Of course, Adrienne wasn't part of that. she was in the back of the middle, which had the different bit. What's more is that she is part of a section that consists of just her and one other dancer. It's not really a solo since they're all dancing at the same time, but it is different from everyone else.
Chances are once I teach this to Adrienne, I'll never have to learn it again. So I had one of the girls in the middle part teach me the different part they learned. Of course, I didn't retain it as well, but at least I get the gist of it. I also had one of the girls on the sides show me what it is they do so at least I'm exposed to it and if I'm thrown in one of those spots, it won't be completely foreign.
I asked my friend who owns the DVD from our last production if I can borrow it so I can learn all the different sections, just in case.
Ps. Two of the girls that were missing showed up late, so the one went in her spot and the cover went in the other.
I sewed my Gaynor's just in case we had to do pointe today, though I doubted we did. I put them on after rehearsal to get a picture for a friend who couldn't be there, and then showed them to Mrs. Alex. Ms. Munro ended up coming over as well, so we discussed my feet and my shoes and how my knee doesn't hurt, even after this rehearsal, and why I don't do jumps in Julie's class, and Ms. Munro agreed to not do grand plie's and all that. Mrs. Alex even said these shoes made my feet look better. I don't want them to cause me to be lazy, but it definitely is nice having the extra support in keeping my arch where it needs to be.
We are a bit concerned about the sizing on them, since my big toe literally hits the end and feels like it's being pushed hard enough to make the knuckle bend, but Gaynor's are supposed to give a bit with wear, so we're going to see how that goes.
After assisting class on Friday, I was talking with a friend who also teaches at the studio. She told me, very gently and tactfully, that she thought my shoes held me back at auditions. I told her about the fitting earlier this week and how I got Gaynor's, and she agreed that they sounded like the best option. She has similar issues and was able to give me even more insight on how to help with it.
I swear, if it wasn't for my dance friends, I don't know if I would be able to keep dancing. Their advice and input and support has literally been everything.
I'm pretty exhausted after today. Didn't help that my body still hates me and food isn't really my friend. I'm at a loss of what else to do about it.
I decided that on the days I get to rehearse for swans, I will tell myself, "You are a swan." It helps me be more into it when we actually do it, rather than just feel like the title of "cover" is looming over me. I have no idea what the future holds. There is a very real possibility that I can do all this work and never get to dance it. There is also a possibility that one of the other covers could get it over me. I don't know. I try not to think about it. I'm going to move on and keep going and do my best, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt to think about. But, it also doesn't mean I need to talk about it. I feel stupid mentioning it at all anymore. Like maybe people aren't telling me everything and maybe I'm not as good as I think I am.
One of my teachers told me today to not take missing out on this role as a sign that I'm not good. She said that there's probably more playing into it, and it may not be fair to me, but that it's part of the deal. I don't know how much of that is true, but you almost can't help but believe that it is. Reality is, it's a small town, and this non profit runs on money that I may not bring in simply because I'm older, I don't have super loaded friends or tons of family dying to pay loads of money to see me dance.
My reality is that each day there's another reminder of how much I wanted this, slapping me in the face, showing me I missed the mark. No one really knows what all is going on on the inside. But honestly, I don't think that's for anyone but me to know.
What good would it do to share that with anyone anyway? No one can change things. All I can do now is work my butt off and hope it's not for nothing.
And limit my crying.
And not get overwhelmed as work starts getting more intense.
Ahhhhhhhhhh
Friday, January 29, 2016
Friends in the right places
My friend, Jacie, (Cheyanne's mom) told me yesterday that Gaynor came out with a 5 box shoe, and that the local dance store had them.
Now, I don't know how long they may have had the 5 box available, but regardless, the risk would have been rather great to just get them blindly. Anyway.
My friend Abby--the Wicked Witch from Oz last year--teaches at the studio attached to this dance store, so I messaged her and asked if she knew anything about them. I had a photo shoot yesterday, which got me out of work early, thus giving me time to meet up with Abby to see about the shoes.
(Cue all the happiness because I haven't seen her in I-don't-know-how-long and miss her terribly, so this was a win just stepping out of the car and hugging her neck.
She only had 15 minutes before her class started, so she got me started seeing how the Gaynor's did.
The best part about having Abby there is that she already knows me. She knows my dancing, she knows my feet, she knows my quirks and what struggles I have. She knows about the nerve damage in one leg, the extra length the other gives, the un-square hips, the short toes--all of it.
She knows about Swan Lake. I told her what Mrs. Alex and Ms. Munro had told me. And I expressed my concerns. I asked her my questions on if she knew what I could do better or try to work on.
She. Knows. So. Much.
She put me in Gaynors, and put me in some Grishko's, and they had the hard shanks on all, which was wonderful. I showed her my current shoes, and how I seem to knuckle over in them.
She had to rush to her class, so Mrs. Coker helped me from there. I explained to her the bit of my pointe quirks that I could, and asked her about the knuckling over and the way the shank shifts, especially on my left foot. She explained how it will do that if your weight isn't centered in your shoe, and I asked if there was anything I could do about that. My toes being so insanely short definitely has an effect, so she tried me in a narrower shoe, but then my foot knuckles (is that what they're called? That's what they look like. Whatever) are painfully smooshed. It's a very complicated predicament, as most people have either one or the other. I have two toes relatively close to the same length, then the other three are relatively close to the same, but polar opposite, length.
Rolling up is complex. Mix that in with my uneven legs, causing knee pain if I'm not super careful, and the struggle is so real.
She had me try on pretty much all the Grishko's they had. Some were more painful, but seemed a better fit--if that even makes sense-- and others didn't put as much pressure, but I would sink right to the bottom. They were all hard shanks, which my arch was lost in, but I was able to get all the way on the box of, so I figured if those were best, I would just break them in. I was actually impressed with their shanks, because Capezio's hardest shank was almost like perfectly broken in shoes for me now when I first wear them. Which is great, except that they don't last long at all.
It came down to the Gaynor's and a pair of Grishko's. Mrs. Coker said she thinks the Gaynor's were better, but Abby had expressed concern of them still causing me to knuckle over. She came back by with the spare minute she had between classes to see me in them again and approved vigorously. That made me feel so much better about the risk of getting the shoes.
I went to class, danced on my old shoes, and hated life.
Dramatic, obviously, but I could tell how dead those really were after having been in new shoes for the greater part of the previous hour.
When I got out of class, I had a text from Abby saying that Mrs. Coker told her that I was the hardest fitting she's ever done. (This made me feel quite accomplished.)
We got to talking, and she was telling me what they thought about my feet. She says she doesn't think my feet are weak--quite the contrary. She thinks my feet are actually rather strong, and that's why I keep killing the shanks and may be why I'm hesitant to fully pull out of my shoe since it will cause me to go too far and end up eating dirt going over the top of the box. She mentioned that getting over on the box of a hard shank Grishko is nearly impossible, that she can't even do it, which is unheard of being that she is solid muscle. Seriously. Gosh, I miss her...
anyway.
She said she thinks maybe it's my ankles that are weaker. Which would make sense. My ankles give me trouble for seemingly no reason. Especially before starting dance, I could just be walking down the street and suddenly my ankle would give out. Mrs. Coker had also told me some specific theraband work to do to help with my foot shifting the way it does in the shoe that causes the shank to shift.
Over all, yesterday made me feel so much better. I have answers, and though they may not technically have solutions, I have plans of action to try and make this work. At least I know it's not because of laziness or lack of work or something.
Now, I don't know how long they may have had the 5 box available, but regardless, the risk would have been rather great to just get them blindly. Anyway.
My friend Abby--the Wicked Witch from Oz last year--teaches at the studio attached to this dance store, so I messaged her and asked if she knew anything about them. I had a photo shoot yesterday, which got me out of work early, thus giving me time to meet up with Abby to see about the shoes.
(Cue all the happiness because I haven't seen her in I-don't-know-how-long and miss her terribly, so this was a win just stepping out of the car and hugging her neck.
She only had 15 minutes before her class started, so she got me started seeing how the Gaynor's did.
The best part about having Abby there is that she already knows me. She knows my dancing, she knows my feet, she knows my quirks and what struggles I have. She knows about the nerve damage in one leg, the extra length the other gives, the un-square hips, the short toes--all of it.
She knows about Swan Lake. I told her what Mrs. Alex and Ms. Munro had told me. And I expressed my concerns. I asked her my questions on if she knew what I could do better or try to work on.
She. Knows. So. Much.
She put me in Gaynors, and put me in some Grishko's, and they had the hard shanks on all, which was wonderful. I showed her my current shoes, and how I seem to knuckle over in them.
She had to rush to her class, so Mrs. Coker helped me from there. I explained to her the bit of my pointe quirks that I could, and asked her about the knuckling over and the way the shank shifts, especially on my left foot. She explained how it will do that if your weight isn't centered in your shoe, and I asked if there was anything I could do about that. My toes being so insanely short definitely has an effect, so she tried me in a narrower shoe, but then my foot knuckles (is that what they're called? That's what they look like. Whatever) are painfully smooshed. It's a very complicated predicament, as most people have either one or the other. I have two toes relatively close to the same length, then the other three are relatively close to the same, but polar opposite, length.
Rolling up is complex. Mix that in with my uneven legs, causing knee pain if I'm not super careful, and the struggle is so real.
She had me try on pretty much all the Grishko's they had. Some were more painful, but seemed a better fit--if that even makes sense-- and others didn't put as much pressure, but I would sink right to the bottom. They were all hard shanks, which my arch was lost in, but I was able to get all the way on the box of, so I figured if those were best, I would just break them in. I was actually impressed with their shanks, because Capezio's hardest shank was almost like perfectly broken in shoes for me now when I first wear them. Which is great, except that they don't last long at all.
It came down to the Gaynor's and a pair of Grishko's. Mrs. Coker said she thinks the Gaynor's were better, but Abby had expressed concern of them still causing me to knuckle over. She came back by with the spare minute she had between classes to see me in them again and approved vigorously. That made me feel so much better about the risk of getting the shoes.
I went to class, danced on my old shoes, and hated life.
Dramatic, obviously, but I could tell how dead those really were after having been in new shoes for the greater part of the previous hour.
When I got out of class, I had a text from Abby saying that Mrs. Coker told her that I was the hardest fitting she's ever done. (This made me feel quite accomplished.)
We got to talking, and she was telling me what they thought about my feet. She says she doesn't think my feet are weak--quite the contrary. She thinks my feet are actually rather strong, and that's why I keep killing the shanks and may be why I'm hesitant to fully pull out of my shoe since it will cause me to go too far and end up eating dirt going over the top of the box. She mentioned that getting over on the box of a hard shank Grishko is nearly impossible, that she can't even do it, which is unheard of being that she is solid muscle. Seriously. Gosh, I miss her...
anyway.
She said she thinks maybe it's my ankles that are weaker. Which would make sense. My ankles give me trouble for seemingly no reason. Especially before starting dance, I could just be walking down the street and suddenly my ankle would give out. Mrs. Coker had also told me some specific theraband work to do to help with my foot shifting the way it does in the shoe that causes the shank to shift.
Over all, yesterday made me feel so much better. I have answers, and though they may not technically have solutions, I have plans of action to try and make this work. At least I know it's not because of laziness or lack of work or something.
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