Tough.

I've had tons of thoughts to post on here.

Informative things Jilissa has told us
Interesting perspectives
Insight.

But, I'm not gonna back track and type all that.
Not now.

I had a conversation with Jilissa Thursday:
Me: I'll be 25 next year. My goal is to be on pointe by then. Do you think this is possible?
Her: *Gimmace*
Me: I'm consistently in 2 times a week now. Work is letting me do that. I want to do 3 times a week as soon as possible...
Her: Let's shoot for January and see where you are.

I was pretty excited.
This made me feel like I have something to strive for.
My dreams and goals in sight.
And this is bigger than just some fleeting bucket list idea
This is something I have wanted since I can remember
Something my grandpa used to ask me about
He's gone now...
This links me to the parts of childhood that were happy.
About the only parts I haven' questioned here recently...

Today, I was trying really hard
To focus, pay attention, soak up everything I can.
I couldn't help but feel like I have a long way to go...
My flexibility needs major improvement
My turn out is pathetic
And sometimes when I get over zealous, it messes up my knee...

I got in my car after today's class, thinking about all the ways it would be easier to focus if things were different.
Then I thought,
"I think sometimes you just have to lack something before you can really appreciate it. Lack makes you want it."

Hah.
Is that what I'm going through in my life?
All this other hardship and questions and tears and breakdowns...
Is this the lack, making sure I really want it?

I guess we shall see.