I've been having a pretty rough time in some things in my personal life, which hasn't had too much of an effect on dance, thankfully, but yesterday took the cake.
I can't tell you how grateful I am to be in the studio I am.
I had a panic attack during the day, and then the entire drive to the studio. (Hi, being real with y'all.) It was so bad that I knew I wouldn't be able to sit in the foyer with the kids without questions. I couldn't act happy to get through like I usually do. I couldn't fake this. I was too broken. Instead, I went and sat in the office. I walked in and Ms. Munro and Mrs. Alex were there. I told them I just wanted to hide out until class and they looked concerned. They asked what happened and I couldn't speak because the tears wouldn't go away from my throat and I had to just sit there for a second. I managed to get it out and cried a little and told Mrs. Alex if I just randomly broke down in her class this was why.
I considered not going to dance at all, but I knew I wanted to be there. This is the day I really needed to go. I wanted to pound my feet into the floor rhythmically, and tap was the perfect solution to that. I was able to be composed enough to play it off (well enough at least) in tap and having the moves to focus on was a great distraction. We worked on this one thing that's a Moxie Ford with an extra beat. I didn't it once, and then couldn't seem to get it again. If I thought about it, I couldn't do it. It was frustrating. I realized I was on the brink of another panic attack, I guess perpetually, so I had to calm myself down without anyone knowing. Thankfully, it's tap class, so stomping into the ground is encouraged. Throughout the class I started sort of grasping the concept of the extra step, but I still can't seem to connect it. I'll get it eventually. I really want to get better at tap. I like it. I wish I had more time outside of class to work on stuff to improve.
Mrs. Alex's class went well. Barre felt really good, even if it didn't at the time. Does that make sense? She pushed us out of our comfort zone, which was great. She showed me how to make my arms more fluid, which I really appreciate because I've wondered what's the correct way to do it versus which will make my arms look lazy and flat. I'm really gonna be working on implementing that.
My toes hurt in pointe, but part of it was that I had worked them so much the day before and they were still a bit raw. Another part was that I put that hole in my toe pad, so they were almost irrelevant. (Except for the space they take up in the shoe that I need.) I have new toe pads waiting for me in the mail, so I should be okay by next class. (If I have time to sew my shoes.)
I struggled across the floor. We did things in center that were new and semi-difficult, and I was able to attempt them, so that was nice. I didn't do it full out since I'm not 100% sure how okay my knee is right now, but I grasped the concept and I tried. Across the floor I started to feel overwhelmed again. Mrs. Alex was kind and didn't call me out on it or anything. I really appreciated Adrienne. Everyone else was either struggling just as much, or working on it themselves or whatever. There was one part that was simple, yet I couldn't grasp it. I didn't even mark it because I didn't understand it so I watched to try and figure it out. I was considering not even trying it. Adrienne figured out how to do it, then took the time to come back and explain it to me. She gave me the boost I needed to feel confident enough to try it. She has no idea how much I appreciate that. (And because I'm a sensitive mess right now, I'm crying just remembering her kindness.) (so that's cute.)
The last thing we did across the floor, I just couldn't get. It was simple enough, but a bit too fast for me. It involved pique turns, which I had worked on the day before, but knew I wasn't fast enough for what it required. I tried it to the right, but to the left I didn't. I took off my shoes. I almost panicked after the time I did try, because I'm all on edge and all, so I went into the corner and just tried to breathe. A few of the girls asked if I was okay, and I just nodded. I couldn't hid it. But I know I'll be okay eventually.
Mrs. Rowland told me that I looked really beautiful in class today. Which shocked me with how rough I was feeling. But I appreciate her words. And her constant support. I love that whole family.
I can't express how much I appreciate the kindness of my peers. They don't have to be nice to me. They can leave me to figure things out for myself if they wanted. A lot of dancers would. A lot of dance teachers wouldn't let you sit and cry in the office about things no one has control over. Mine are patient with me, and understanding. They don't look down on me because I'm overwhelmed, they support me.
I wish I had taken a picture on my phone of the polaroid from last night. It's golden.
I'm skipping dance tonight. One of the dance mom's asked me to take her daughter to So You Think You Can Dance in San Antonio since she had surgery recently and can't. I'm really excited. I didn't think I'd get to go again, but it worked out. I'll get home late and more than likely be dead tired, but it'll be worth it. Plus to get to hang out with Judy will be really fun.
So if you're the praying type, please be praying for me. I trust God completely and I know whatever is ahead for me is well worth what I'm going through now. I just need to be able to get through it.
Everything I need to know about life, I learned in dance class
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Empty studio
Usually on Tuesdays, I'm only at the studio until about 7pm. This is considered early for me, as most of my classes start at 7 and go til 9. (I get there at 5 because it's just easier than going home, which is far away. And traffic sucks.) Last night, however, I didn't leave until after 9.
On Monday, Ms. Munro came up to me during barre and asked what time I could get here the next day. She had a board meeting and no one to man the desk after she left. I told her my class was at 6, but I get here at 5 and I can do it if she'd like. She said not to skip the class (haha) but if I could be there it'd be great. I got there, answered the phones, and manned the desk until Julie's class started.
There were only 10 people in class, which if I remember correctly was about typical of the 6s last year. The kicker? There's 30+ people on the roll list.
I was able to do yesterday's class without my knee brace. I took it easy on the fondus, but I really wanted to at least attempt them so I can get used to it and find my boundaries. I've noticed if I work hard to hold my hips square, it doesn't hurt my knee as much. I also noticed yesterday that it looks as though my shin bone is what's longer on the right leg. Weird, huh?
Class felt good. It wasn't too hard, but just enough of a challenge. I noticed myself getting better and stronger when it comes to doing fast frappe's or degage's or tondue's. I still have a lot to work on, but the improvement is nice.
After the hour of barre I stay for, I went back into the office. Andie came in and we looked through recital costumes for her three classes she has. It was quite fun. Looking through all the different options and playing around with music tracks and laughing at the same costume that keeps popping up everywhere. The phone rang a couple times while I was there, but none of the inquiries were complex, so that was nice.
Mia's class in the pink studio ended at 7:45. Julie had her Jazz class at 7:45 until 8:45.
This got me to thinking.
I could go home, or I could be the one to do all the closing up responsibilities and in the meantime, use the open studio to work on my weaker, shorter leg in my pointe shoes.
(guess which one I chose.)
There's a portable phone, so I took it with me. No one was in the foyer, no one was there to potentially decide to see what I was doing in the studio. (granted there are curtains I could draw if I wanted. I just forget about them.) I put on some music and just let it play. Starting at the barre, working on doing proper plies and finding how difficult it is to releve en pointe when one leg is shorter and gets there sooner. I did plie releves on my shorter, weaker leg, while holding on to the barre. I did it with the longer, stronger leg as well to see the difference in the two. The shorter leg is impossible to do without the barre, the longer leg is possible but still a bit difficult. (Forget trying to releve without a plie.)
In class on Monday, I realized how much I've been struggling to do proper pique turns. They aren't hard, but I can't seem to go in a straight line, and I want to make sure I'm plieing enough as well as spotting and holding my arms correctly and having proper alignment and straight knees. I wanted to get more fluid in these, so I can do them quicker as was required in Monday's V's class that I struggled with.
My left side is impossible to go straight when turning. I worked and worked and worked on it, trying to make sure everything was being executed exactly as it is supposed to be. It was rough.
I worked on my right side, and noticed I didn't get on my box all the way. I do for the most part on my left side, but the right is lacking. So I worked on this side for a while, trying to figure out why that was happening and what I could do to improve. I did pique passe's across the floor to get the proper feel of it as well as placement and staying in a line. I kept switching off between sides, working on this and that. After about 20 minutes, I went back to the barre for more plies and releves. I did them really slowly to get a good feel for the motion and make sure I was rolling through correctly, as well as getting a good, deep plie.
I stretched a bit after and laid there, seeing a cool angle of my pointe shoes, hahaha.
On Monday, Ms. Munro came up to me during barre and asked what time I could get here the next day. She had a board meeting and no one to man the desk after she left. I told her my class was at 6, but I get here at 5 and I can do it if she'd like. She said not to skip the class (haha) but if I could be there it'd be great. I got there, answered the phones, and manned the desk until Julie's class started.
There were only 10 people in class, which if I remember correctly was about typical of the 6s last year. The kicker? There's 30+ people on the roll list.
I was able to do yesterday's class without my knee brace. I took it easy on the fondus, but I really wanted to at least attempt them so I can get used to it and find my boundaries. I've noticed if I work hard to hold my hips square, it doesn't hurt my knee as much. I also noticed yesterday that it looks as though my shin bone is what's longer on the right leg. Weird, huh?
Class felt good. It wasn't too hard, but just enough of a challenge. I noticed myself getting better and stronger when it comes to doing fast frappe's or degage's or tondue's. I still have a lot to work on, but the improvement is nice.
After the hour of barre I stay for, I went back into the office. Andie came in and we looked through recital costumes for her three classes she has. It was quite fun. Looking through all the different options and playing around with music tracks and laughing at the same costume that keeps popping up everywhere. The phone rang a couple times while I was there, but none of the inquiries were complex, so that was nice.
Mia's class in the pink studio ended at 7:45. Julie had her Jazz class at 7:45 until 8:45.
This got me to thinking.
I could go home, or I could be the one to do all the closing up responsibilities and in the meantime, use the open studio to work on my weaker, shorter leg in my pointe shoes.
(guess which one I chose.)
There's a portable phone, so I took it with me. No one was in the foyer, no one was there to potentially decide to see what I was doing in the studio. (granted there are curtains I could draw if I wanted. I just forget about them.) I put on some music and just let it play. Starting at the barre, working on doing proper plies and finding how difficult it is to releve en pointe when one leg is shorter and gets there sooner. I did plie releves on my shorter, weaker leg, while holding on to the barre. I did it with the longer, stronger leg as well to see the difference in the two. The shorter leg is impossible to do without the barre, the longer leg is possible but still a bit difficult. (Forget trying to releve without a plie.)
In class on Monday, I realized how much I've been struggling to do proper pique turns. They aren't hard, but I can't seem to go in a straight line, and I want to make sure I'm plieing enough as well as spotting and holding my arms correctly and having proper alignment and straight knees. I wanted to get more fluid in these, so I can do them quicker as was required in Monday's V's class that I struggled with.
My left side is impossible to go straight when turning. I worked and worked and worked on it, trying to make sure everything was being executed exactly as it is supposed to be. It was rough.
I worked on my right side, and noticed I didn't get on my box all the way. I do for the most part on my left side, but the right is lacking. So I worked on this side for a while, trying to figure out why that was happening and what I could do to improve. I did pique passe's across the floor to get the proper feel of it as well as placement and staying in a line. I kept switching off between sides, working on this and that. After about 20 minutes, I went back to the barre for more plies and releves. I did them really slowly to get a good feel for the motion and make sure I was rolling through correctly, as well as getting a good, deep plie.
I stretched a bit after and laid there, seeing a cool angle of my pointe shoes, hahaha.
Don't let the smirk fool you, I'm dead inside.
(But the good kind, ya know.)
(PS. Shirt is from an etsy shop run by dancers. TurningPointeApparel. So great)
I took off my shoes in the office, but not before I got my polaroid of the day from that fun angle of my shoes. Not sure if it came out well or not, I haven't seen it. hah.
My pinkie toe on my left food is doing this fun thing where it rubs the skin off, kinda, so that's cute.
Then I noticed that I managed to do this.
That would be a hole in my toe pads.
(thankfully new ones are in the mail)
I watched bits of the Jazz class. Seeing them dance the way they did make me feel all sorts of things. Mainly, that I never want to stop dancing. I want to feel how they must feel while dancing. I want to improve to get to that level.
:)
He's a blurry one of my shoes. Ribbons out and all.
Here's my feet with Mrs. Alex's when we were manning the desk. Hehe.
Lalalalalala this is my post and this is the end of it.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Monday.
Yesterday, I was able to do an entire class without my knee brace.
I still didn't do grand plies, and some of the stuff in center was a little too much to risk, but my knee still doesn't hurt.
I noticed myself getting stronger, and being more able to do certain things, but also where I'm still lacking in strength. Specifically on my left/shorter leg. I really want to work towards strengthening this, knowing that I can only go so far until I'm able to build that up. I don't know when I'll have time to do this, since I'm at the studio 5 days a week as it is, and my weekends are consumed with catching up on stuff in my personal life/pictures/sleep/laundry/nutcracker rehearsals. I'm considering dropping my VI classes so I can work by myself at home. But I don't want to do that unless I would actually use the time for that. (It's still a new thought, so I have time to figure it out.)
It's nice to feel the progress, but I know I still have a very long way to go. Even so much as to catch up.
My muscles have felt really tight lately, even though I've been stretching (No more than what I'm used to?) and rolling out at night to try and help it. I don't know that I've been drinking as much water, so I'm going to try and be better about that.
For those keeping up on the health side of things, I saw my doctor yesterday for the follow up on my blood work. She came in and explained the details of each test and what it all means, opening with, "I wish I had your blood." Wait. What?
Everything came back absolutely perfect. Which was really weird. H. Pylori was negative. I'm not even anemic, which is contradictory to what I was told by my last doctor.
So if I'm not anemic, then why was I so light headed last week that I had to leave class, twice?
Apparently, I've had a perpetual bladder infection for the last 8+ years.
Sounds simple, right?
She told me of how intense bladder infections can be, and how she'll see people come into the hospital literally insane because of bladder infections. They run in my family, so they're not new to me, but how I know them is to be a simple thing caused by negligence or whatever. So she has me on antibiotics, and yesterday was the first day I haven't felt sick in I don't know how long. It was almost alarming to me.
I did feel kinda funny at night, but I don't think that was from anything. Today has been almost as good, but I'm also playing with my IBS medication.
She said the bladder being so close to the intestines that it having an infection could have caused all the other things I was feeling, including the light headedness I was experiencing.
(And apparently I don't eat enough. So I need to work on that.)
(But also, it'll be easier now if food continues to not hurt me.)
(woohoo)
Meanwhile, my chiropractor wasn't there yesterday, so I had this older lady I've never seen before. But she knows my Dad. And likes to tell stories. (she's really sweet? But like. I don't know her.)
So I didn't get to ask about my back/leg/unevenness/stuff. Hopefully he'll be there when I go back in two weeks. He's supposed to be. *crosses fingers*
Ms. Catherine was back yesterday teaching our class. She was out last week, so I subbed her two younger classes and Ms. Heidi taught the V's class. When I saw her yesterday, she thanked me for covering her classes, which I don't believe another teacher has done. It's just like, expected I guess. A teacher is gone, the sub comes in. But she thanked me, and genuinely appreciated it.
Some people don't prefer her class, but I have come to realize it is probably my favorite. Moreso because she doesn't give us anything that's over our heads, so I typically feel good in that class, but also challenged in areas. It's the balance I need as the level V that I am. I really appreciate it.
(It also lets me test if I can make it without a brace and for how long.)
She has my respect.
I still didn't do grand plies, and some of the stuff in center was a little too much to risk, but my knee still doesn't hurt.
I noticed myself getting stronger, and being more able to do certain things, but also where I'm still lacking in strength. Specifically on my left/shorter leg. I really want to work towards strengthening this, knowing that I can only go so far until I'm able to build that up. I don't know when I'll have time to do this, since I'm at the studio 5 days a week as it is, and my weekends are consumed with catching up on stuff in my personal life/pictures/sleep/laundry/nutcracker rehearsals. I'm considering dropping my VI classes so I can work by myself at home. But I don't want to do that unless I would actually use the time for that. (It's still a new thought, so I have time to figure it out.)
It's nice to feel the progress, but I know I still have a very long way to go. Even so much as to catch up.
My muscles have felt really tight lately, even though I've been stretching (No more than what I'm used to?) and rolling out at night to try and help it. I don't know that I've been drinking as much water, so I'm going to try and be better about that.
For those keeping up on the health side of things, I saw my doctor yesterday for the follow up on my blood work. She came in and explained the details of each test and what it all means, opening with, "I wish I had your blood." Wait. What?
Everything came back absolutely perfect. Which was really weird. H. Pylori was negative. I'm not even anemic, which is contradictory to what I was told by my last doctor.
So if I'm not anemic, then why was I so light headed last week that I had to leave class, twice?
Apparently, I've had a perpetual bladder infection for the last 8+ years.
Sounds simple, right?
She told me of how intense bladder infections can be, and how she'll see people come into the hospital literally insane because of bladder infections. They run in my family, so they're not new to me, but how I know them is to be a simple thing caused by negligence or whatever. So she has me on antibiotics, and yesterday was the first day I haven't felt sick in I don't know how long. It was almost alarming to me.
I did feel kinda funny at night, but I don't think that was from anything. Today has been almost as good, but I'm also playing with my IBS medication.
She said the bladder being so close to the intestines that it having an infection could have caused all the other things I was feeling, including the light headedness I was experiencing.
(And apparently I don't eat enough. So I need to work on that.)
(But also, it'll be easier now if food continues to not hurt me.)
(woohoo)
Meanwhile, my chiropractor wasn't there yesterday, so I had this older lady I've never seen before. But she knows my Dad. And likes to tell stories. (she's really sweet? But like. I don't know her.)
So I didn't get to ask about my back/leg/unevenness/stuff. Hopefully he'll be there when I go back in two weeks. He's supposed to be. *crosses fingers*
Ms. Catherine was back yesterday teaching our class. She was out last week, so I subbed her two younger classes and Ms. Heidi taught the V's class. When I saw her yesterday, she thanked me for covering her classes, which I don't believe another teacher has done. It's just like, expected I guess. A teacher is gone, the sub comes in. But she thanked me, and genuinely appreciated it.
Some people don't prefer her class, but I have come to realize it is probably my favorite. Moreso because she doesn't give us anything that's over our heads, so I typically feel good in that class, but also challenged in areas. It's the balance I need as the level V that I am. I really appreciate it.
(It also lets me test if I can make it without a brace and for how long.)
She has my respect.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Updates
If you're just here for all the ballet goodness, you may not care too much about this post.
Obviously, it involves ballet, but it also involves parts of the very real struggle I face everyday. I keep going, in spite of it, because I know if I stop I'll never get past the point of where I am--I'll never improve--so I keep going and take things as they come.
Yesterday was our V's class. I look forward to this class because I really get to work on pointe stuff. My knee hasn't been hurting as badly as usual, so that's a plus. I even did my tap class without a brace on and it did just fine! I think strengthening those muscles is helping tremendously.
I noticed I was a bit spacey, but figured it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Maybe I'm just having an off day. I can do my best still and I'll be fine.
We got started on barre. I focused on breathing more than usual (thanks Mrs. Alex!) which made a difference. But then I started feeling pretty crummy. This always seems to happen on Wednesdays, which is incredibly frustrating. I kept pushing through class, trying to figure out what is different that would make Wednesdays more difficult. Is it the fact I have tap before? Is it because it's a later class? Is it the crunches at the beginning? Is it because it's my longest class?
I kept going, trying to just shake it off. I noticed my vision would sort of get foggy, if that makes sense?, but not super extreme. Just enough to notice.
Then when we got to a sharp combination with a few turns, I noticed someone on my left side felt weird. I could feel it in my stomach, but not just that. It was in my chest.
My heart felt weird.
Like it was struggling. It wasn't beating hard or anything. It felt like it was straining.
That's when I remembered that I had blood work done that morning, and apparently I'm anemic, so even though I've done blood work more times than I can count, this was the first time to have it while living such an active lifestyle.
I noticed my knee not hurting so badly, even in fondus. I noticed I was fighting to keep my hips square, and when I didn't give in to sinking into my standing leg, my knee was fine. It seems as though the unevenness in my hips, legs, back, etc has gotten worse. I don't know if that's true, but it's very clear when you look at me. I see my chiropractor on Monday, so I think I'm going to make a list of things to ask him. Will this always be how it is? Is there anything that can be done? Better ways to combat it?
I left class after barre, so about 45 minutes early. I didn't want to at all, but I knew I had to. I told Mrs. Alex I was going to leave and that I had blood work done today and didn't expect it to affect me like this. She said it could have made me anemic and I told her I apparently already am, and I've had blood work before, but this was new. She seemed concerned and told me I was doing the right thing, so that was nice.
It just sucks.
Will my body ever not have issues?
Please, if you have a healthy, normal body, appreciate it. Don't jack it up or take it for granted. Don't be lazy with it. There are people out there who would give anything to just simply have a body that does what its supposed to do.
I'm grateful I'm still able to find ways to dance through all my issues right now. Its why I refuse to make excuses. Its why I keep pushing through. My body may not be perfect, but I'm so grateful its not worse than what it is.
Maybe one day things won't be like this. Maybe this is the best I'll ever know it to be. There's always something you can find to complain about, why not find the positive instead?
Obviously, it involves ballet, but it also involves parts of the very real struggle I face everyday. I keep going, in spite of it, because I know if I stop I'll never get past the point of where I am--I'll never improve--so I keep going and take things as they come.
Yesterday was our V's class. I look forward to this class because I really get to work on pointe stuff. My knee hasn't been hurting as badly as usual, so that's a plus. I even did my tap class without a brace on and it did just fine! I think strengthening those muscles is helping tremendously.
I noticed I was a bit spacey, but figured it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Maybe I'm just having an off day. I can do my best still and I'll be fine.
We got started on barre. I focused on breathing more than usual (thanks Mrs. Alex!) which made a difference. But then I started feeling pretty crummy. This always seems to happen on Wednesdays, which is incredibly frustrating. I kept pushing through class, trying to figure out what is different that would make Wednesdays more difficult. Is it the fact I have tap before? Is it because it's a later class? Is it the crunches at the beginning? Is it because it's my longest class?
I kept going, trying to just shake it off. I noticed my vision would sort of get foggy, if that makes sense?, but not super extreme. Just enough to notice.
Then when we got to a sharp combination with a few turns, I noticed someone on my left side felt weird. I could feel it in my stomach, but not just that. It was in my chest.
My heart felt weird.
Like it was struggling. It wasn't beating hard or anything. It felt like it was straining.
That's when I remembered that I had blood work done that morning, and apparently I'm anemic, so even though I've done blood work more times than I can count, this was the first time to have it while living such an active lifestyle.
I noticed my knee not hurting so badly, even in fondus. I noticed I was fighting to keep my hips square, and when I didn't give in to sinking into my standing leg, my knee was fine. It seems as though the unevenness in my hips, legs, back, etc has gotten worse. I don't know if that's true, but it's very clear when you look at me. I see my chiropractor on Monday, so I think I'm going to make a list of things to ask him. Will this always be how it is? Is there anything that can be done? Better ways to combat it?
I left class after barre, so about 45 minutes early. I didn't want to at all, but I knew I had to. I told Mrs. Alex I was going to leave and that I had blood work done today and didn't expect it to affect me like this. She said it could have made me anemic and I told her I apparently already am, and I've had blood work before, but this was new. She seemed concerned and told me I was doing the right thing, so that was nice.
It just sucks.
Will my body ever not have issues?
Please, if you have a healthy, normal body, appreciate it. Don't jack it up or take it for granted. Don't be lazy with it. There are people out there who would give anything to just simply have a body that does what its supposed to do.
I'm grateful I'm still able to find ways to dance through all my issues right now. Its why I refuse to make excuses. Its why I keep pushing through. My body may not be perfect, but I'm so grateful its not worse than what it is.
Maybe one day things won't be like this. Maybe this is the best I'll ever know it to be. There's always something you can find to complain about, why not find the positive instead?
Monday, October 5, 2015
Costume fittings
This weekend was the Nutcracker costume fittings for the older dancers.
I had the fitting for Petite Fleur on Saturday and Rat Queen on Sunday.
I left Bailando for a bit to run over and get fitted. They told me I could just do it Sunday, but Jilissa was okay in that time block so I went over. Good thing I did, too, since there was another girl I'm similar to and we had to switch around costumes and compare to get the right fit. Plus it was fun to be around all the other girls and get excited.
I had the fitting for Petite Fleur on Saturday and Rat Queen on Sunday.
I left Bailando for a bit to run over and get fitted. They told me I could just do it Sunday, but Jilissa was okay in that time block so I went over. Good thing I did, too, since there was another girl I'm similar to and we had to switch around costumes and compare to get the right fit. Plus it was fun to be around all the other girls and get excited.
excpectation
Reality
Thanks Nina
Me with Elizabeth and Ms. Munro
Nina has quite the eye.
Yesterday I came a little early to help with all the Snow girls and their fitting (33 in the tiny costume room.)
It went about as smoothly as one can expect. Thankfully, Elizabeth is really organized.
I did a few headshots between that and RAT QUEEN
We're not excited at all.
The costumes are like giant onesies, and the tutu is actually the Black Swan tutu, so that's pretty cool. We feel pretty naked without it (hence the last picture) but are excited that they all fit and Elizabeth doesn't have to do much to them!
At one point, Jessica and I were goofing around all excited, and Ms. Munro walked up. She looked at us, with a look of satisfaction, and said, "Great! I knew I picked the perfect people for this role!" Which made us feel awesome.
I love Jessica. This is going to be so much fun.
Hopefully this season will just keep getting better. I'm really excited for it all. Plus, my rehearsals won't be all that extreme, so that's nice!
Bailando 2015
This weekend marked the 16th annual Bailando Dance Festival at Texas A&M University, Corpus Christi.
It's, I believe, my 3rd year to attend. My old dance teacher from Instep, Jilissa produces it and it's hosted by the Corpus Christi Concert Ballet with TAMUCC. There's three nights of performances, and master classes on Friday and Saturday. The performances on Thursday and Friday are adjudicated based on their choreography and the favorites are put through to the Gala performance on Saturday. Its a great opportunity for choreographers to learn and grow and get insight on how to broaden their thinking.
This years performances were amongst some of the best we've seen.
I get to take pictures of the performances and classes, which is really cool. It's also great because I get to sit in on bits of every class, even if it's not a style I'm particularly versed in. I learn a lot, and I'm really grateful for it.
I got to take a couple classes on Saturday, the Beginner/Intermediate Ballet with Orlando Julius Canova and the Intermediate/Advanced with Mel Glouchkova.
They were the first classes of the morning, so there weren't too many people in them. I was glad to take the class and to get corrections from these people who don't see me every day. On top of that, it was great getting a compliment on something I never knew if I did correctly or not. Orlando told me to watch as to not overcross in my ronde de jambes when they go back, which I never realized I did, so I was able to really watch and think about controlling it better. He also told me to keep my right shoulder down. I figured it was from the back being crooked, one leg longer thing, but I never really noticed how drastic it is. You can actually see it. I tried thinking about keeping that shoulder down, which is actually kind of difficult. The alignement helps me, but its as though my right shoulder is perpetually shrugged a bit. Working to get it even was actually a bit uncomfortable, so I'm not sure if it's something I should actively attempt to fix or if that would make things worse.
I wish I knew if this could or would ever be fixed or if this is something I just have to deal with the rest of forever. Or even what the heck caused it. All of these things seem to still be up in the air.
There were moments I felt sort of stupid in his class, but I tried to just let it roll off my shoulders. I felt awkward and got a bit embarrassed, but as long as you play it off no one seems to remember. So, whatever.
It was a great class.
Mel's class was a little more on the advanced side, which I appreciated. She had us do a lot of direction changes, which threw everyone off a bit, but once I got the hang of it, I got it. I struggled a bit in this class, but I think my brain was a bit off for handling it. Still, I tried, and I liked it. I only did barre in her class since I did the full thing in Orlando's--jumps and all--and my knee was over it. I'm hoping removing the fluid will help and that we can get that done soon. Why is my body so complicated?
I took pictures of the rest of the class, and watching helped solidify the combinations that I struggled with, so that was nice. There were a few things I wanted to work on at home if I can remember them. Maddie came to this class, which made me really happy to have someone from my studio there with me. :)
Overall, the event ran really smoothly. I brought Jilissa the "Leslie treatment" (A big Fiji water and a bag of Reese's) and she hugged me so tight, which was cool. I love getting to help out (we got staff shirts this year!) and knowing that Jilissa can breathe a little easier knowing she can leave me to handle things when she has to be somewhere else makes me feel really good. I'm glad I wasn't in the way.
At the beginning of the Gala, Jilissa and some others came out and greeted everyone as well as thanking the people who made it possible. She had the choreographers stand up and I saw Ms. Lori was there!! I was so excited I could literally feel my heart getting lighter. Jilissa kept looking in my direction while she spoke to where I wondered if she could actually see me. I tried to keep my face pleasant and encouraging to help give a good audience vibe when she then asks me and the other volunteers to stand up. (By name. She thanked me by name. In front of everyone.) I was in the third row from front so I don't know who else was there. I didn't know what to do with my hands or anything, and never really know how to handle those sort of things, but she's never done that before. Even before that, she seemed really grateful to have me there. It was nice, especially considering she had plenty of people helping without me. Then to have her personally thank me, it was just so nice of her. I love Jilissa so much and have a great respect for her.
At intermission, I was able to go and say hi to Ms Lori before she left back for Austin. She asked about all the girls and told me to send her love and asked about Nutcracker. She was so excited to hear I was Rat Queen, which meant the world to me. She is truly a wonderful person, and I consider myself extremely fortunate to have her in my life, even when she's far away.
Ms. Munro was sitting next to her and introduced me to a man with her. She then went on to tell him how helpful I was and how much the younger ones love me and all these other really kind things. I'm standing there like, what? compliments? what is life? what do I do with my face? Do I say thank you? Here, have a sarcastic comment because I don't know what else to do. And it was really nice.
I'm thoroughly exhausted, but my heart is full. I was sad to see this Bailando end. I got to see Abby and met some new friends from Concert Ballet, Frances and Clara, who are both going to be Clara in their Nutcracker. If I don't have rehearsal I'm going to go see it. :)
Here's a few pictures from the weekend!
It's, I believe, my 3rd year to attend. My old dance teacher from Instep, Jilissa produces it and it's hosted by the Corpus Christi Concert Ballet with TAMUCC. There's three nights of performances, and master classes on Friday and Saturday. The performances on Thursday and Friday are adjudicated based on their choreography and the favorites are put through to the Gala performance on Saturday. Its a great opportunity for choreographers to learn and grow and get insight on how to broaden their thinking.
This years performances were amongst some of the best we've seen.
I get to take pictures of the performances and classes, which is really cool. It's also great because I get to sit in on bits of every class, even if it's not a style I'm particularly versed in. I learn a lot, and I'm really grateful for it.
I got to take a couple classes on Saturday, the Beginner/Intermediate Ballet with Orlando Julius Canova and the Intermediate/Advanced with Mel Glouchkova.
They were the first classes of the morning, so there weren't too many people in them. I was glad to take the class and to get corrections from these people who don't see me every day. On top of that, it was great getting a compliment on something I never knew if I did correctly or not. Orlando told me to watch as to not overcross in my ronde de jambes when they go back, which I never realized I did, so I was able to really watch and think about controlling it better. He also told me to keep my right shoulder down. I figured it was from the back being crooked, one leg longer thing, but I never really noticed how drastic it is. You can actually see it. I tried thinking about keeping that shoulder down, which is actually kind of difficult. The alignement helps me, but its as though my right shoulder is perpetually shrugged a bit. Working to get it even was actually a bit uncomfortable, so I'm not sure if it's something I should actively attempt to fix or if that would make things worse.
I wish I knew if this could or would ever be fixed or if this is something I just have to deal with the rest of forever. Or even what the heck caused it. All of these things seem to still be up in the air.
There were moments I felt sort of stupid in his class, but I tried to just let it roll off my shoulders. I felt awkward and got a bit embarrassed, but as long as you play it off no one seems to remember. So, whatever.
It was a great class.
Mel's class was a little more on the advanced side, which I appreciated. She had us do a lot of direction changes, which threw everyone off a bit, but once I got the hang of it, I got it. I struggled a bit in this class, but I think my brain was a bit off for handling it. Still, I tried, and I liked it. I only did barre in her class since I did the full thing in Orlando's--jumps and all--and my knee was over it. I'm hoping removing the fluid will help and that we can get that done soon. Why is my body so complicated?
I took pictures of the rest of the class, and watching helped solidify the combinations that I struggled with, so that was nice. There were a few things I wanted to work on at home if I can remember them. Maddie came to this class, which made me really happy to have someone from my studio there with me. :)
Overall, the event ran really smoothly. I brought Jilissa the "Leslie treatment" (A big Fiji water and a bag of Reese's) and she hugged me so tight, which was cool. I love getting to help out (we got staff shirts this year!) and knowing that Jilissa can breathe a little easier knowing she can leave me to handle things when she has to be somewhere else makes me feel really good. I'm glad I wasn't in the way.
At the beginning of the Gala, Jilissa and some others came out and greeted everyone as well as thanking the people who made it possible. She had the choreographers stand up and I saw Ms. Lori was there!! I was so excited I could literally feel my heart getting lighter. Jilissa kept looking in my direction while she spoke to where I wondered if she could actually see me. I tried to keep my face pleasant and encouraging to help give a good audience vibe when she then asks me and the other volunteers to stand up. (By name. She thanked me by name. In front of everyone.) I was in the third row from front so I don't know who else was there. I didn't know what to do with my hands or anything, and never really know how to handle those sort of things, but she's never done that before. Even before that, she seemed really grateful to have me there. It was nice, especially considering she had plenty of people helping without me. Then to have her personally thank me, it was just so nice of her. I love Jilissa so much and have a great respect for her.
At intermission, I was able to go and say hi to Ms Lori before she left back for Austin. She asked about all the girls and told me to send her love and asked about Nutcracker. She was so excited to hear I was Rat Queen, which meant the world to me. She is truly a wonderful person, and I consider myself extremely fortunate to have her in my life, even when she's far away.
Ms. Munro was sitting next to her and introduced me to a man with her. She then went on to tell him how helpful I was and how much the younger ones love me and all these other really kind things. I'm standing there like, what? compliments? what is life? what do I do with my face? Do I say thank you? Here, have a sarcastic comment because I don't know what else to do. And it was really nice.
I'm thoroughly exhausted, but my heart is full. I was sad to see this Bailando end. I got to see Abby and met some new friends from Concert Ballet, Frances and Clara, who are both going to be Clara in their Nutcracker. If I don't have rehearsal I'm going to go see it. :)
Here's a few pictures from the weekend!
Dance Au Deum
Ugh, I love this so much
Jennifer Mabus' class
My new friends!
Islaaaaa!
And sweet Lindsey
This piece was done to a strobe light and it was incredible
Misha is goals
MARI YOUR FACE SLAYS ME
Jessica, my fellow Rat Queen! This was her first piece to choreograph herself and she got great critiques! I'm so proud :)
I love watching my friends dance. I'm not one to really cry, but if I did it would make me cry. Even without tears, seeing them moves me.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
World Ballet Day
I'm currently watching the portion of the live stream from The National Ballet of Canada.
They are doing their class warm up. So far, it's fairly simple--all things I am more than capable of doing. It's quite a large class, and as they pan from side to side, you see many variations of the same movement.
Plie, plie, grande plie, cambre, and 2nd. repeat. 4th, 5th.
Some people cambre forward in 1st, some cambre forward in 5th. Some back. You see some do different flexes and points at different times, or work and isolate specific muscles. You see some stretch different muscles than others, and some put their arms in 5th while most are in 1st, etc.
I thought of class last night with Mrs. Alex. We did this combination that ended in a ponche for our balance. It was on flat, and the arms were a little different. She made a comment that she thinks we can get our legs higher, and had us look in the mirror to see how high our legs actually were compared to what we thought they were. She told us, "I want you to just look at your leg. Not anyone else's, just yours. I mean it! Don't look at anyone else! It's not about comparing yourself to other people."
It's about doing what we need, what's best for us. It doesn't matter how great or not-so-great the person next to us is. That is irrelevant. You can't do anything about them. All you can do is work harder where you are with what you have.
If you watch the professionals, you'll see that all of them aren't the same, either. They do what they are capable of. If you're truly a great dancer, no one will even notice if your leg isn't up to your ear or whatever your neighbor can do that you can't.
What I love about seeing this company, is you see them dancing for themselves. You can see it in them that they aren't worried about the person next to them. You don't see fear, you don't see insecurity. You see them in their element. You see how seriously they take their art form. There's something that they fully encompass that sets them apart, and is visible.
That's what we want to achieve. To focus solely on ourselves and our own improvement. To become so fluid with the people around us that corps work is flawless. To accomplish that musicality.
That's one of the most beautiful and enticing thing (at least for me) about learning the art of ballet.
We are all working towards the same goal. We learn these same moves in a language that is universal and timeless. It makes you part of a special kind of family, connects you to seeming strangers in a bond that can't be explained.
I have made some of the most wonderful and cherished friends through ballet, and even more through World Ballet Day. It's incredible. And really, there are no words to describe it.
Just love.
They are doing their class warm up. So far, it's fairly simple--all things I am more than capable of doing. It's quite a large class, and as they pan from side to side, you see many variations of the same movement.
Plie, plie, grande plie, cambre, and 2nd. repeat. 4th, 5th.
Some people cambre forward in 1st, some cambre forward in 5th. Some back. You see some do different flexes and points at different times, or work and isolate specific muscles. You see some stretch different muscles than others, and some put their arms in 5th while most are in 1st, etc.
I thought of class last night with Mrs. Alex. We did this combination that ended in a ponche for our balance. It was on flat, and the arms were a little different. She made a comment that she thinks we can get our legs higher, and had us look in the mirror to see how high our legs actually were compared to what we thought they were. She told us, "I want you to just look at your leg. Not anyone else's, just yours. I mean it! Don't look at anyone else! It's not about comparing yourself to other people."
It's about doing what we need, what's best for us. It doesn't matter how great or not-so-great the person next to us is. That is irrelevant. You can't do anything about them. All you can do is work harder where you are with what you have.
If you watch the professionals, you'll see that all of them aren't the same, either. They do what they are capable of. If you're truly a great dancer, no one will even notice if your leg isn't up to your ear or whatever your neighbor can do that you can't.
What I love about seeing this company, is you see them dancing for themselves. You can see it in them that they aren't worried about the person next to them. You don't see fear, you don't see insecurity. You see them in their element. You see how seriously they take their art form. There's something that they fully encompass that sets them apart, and is visible.
That's what we want to achieve. To focus solely on ourselves and our own improvement. To become so fluid with the people around us that corps work is flawless. To accomplish that musicality.
That's one of the most beautiful and enticing thing (at least for me) about learning the art of ballet.
We are all working towards the same goal. We learn these same moves in a language that is universal and timeless. It makes you part of a special kind of family, connects you to seeming strangers in a bond that can't be explained.
I have made some of the most wonderful and cherished friends through ballet, and even more through World Ballet Day. It's incredible. And really, there are no words to describe it.
Just love.
Here are a few screen grabs from the National Ballet of Canada.
I have more on my phone from The Royal Ballet that I'll add when they back up and I can access them.
:)
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